Can't Go Back
by Katie 452
Summary: This is a collection of non-chronological one shots about Ward's redemption. All happen in the same universe.
1. 87 Weeks

**Title:** Can't Go Back  
**Author:** Katie  
**Story Summary**: This is a collection of non-chronological one shots about Ward's redemption. All happen in the same universe.  
**Spoilers:** Season One  
**Ratings:** PG  
**Pairing:** SkyeWard  
**Authors Note:** This will always be marked as complete since I don't know how many there will be. When I think of a story I want to write, I'll add it. If there is a story you want to see, let me know!  
**Distribution:** Please! Just let me know.  
**Feedback:** Please…Please!  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything…at all…

* * *

87 Weeks, 6 Days, 19 Hours Since The Events At CyberTek.

* * *

Skye is sitting at the kitchen table, her laptop and various snack wrappers spread out in front of her. She's holding Ward's bracelet between two of her fingers, a small pin in the side, inputting codes in her laptop without looking. Ward had been sitting at this table, about an hour ago, eating cereal with Fitz, when out of nowhere the bracelet had given him a pretty aggressive shock. So, he's hanging out in The Box while she fixes it.

Coulson comes storming into the room, throwing the door open so suddenly and so harshly that she jumps a little in surprise, causing the bracelet to give her a little bit of a shock. "Ow…AC -"

"Lab, now" He cuts her off, voice so serious that she drops everything that she is holding to follow him down the hallway.

FitzSimmons are already in the lab when they get there, and she shares her look of confusion with them before May walks in with Ward. It's been so long since she's seen him without handcuffs or the bracelet that for a moment, all she can do is stare. He looks as confused as she feels.

"I thought that everyone should be here for this" Coulson says, looking at Ward for a moment before pulling up a video on the holotable and letting it play. At first it's just black, and then all the sudden there is an image on the screen; a girl, about ten years younger than Skye, dark brown hair and brown eyes that remind of Ward's. She's tied to a metal chair; mouth gagged and duct taped shut, tears streaming heavily down her face.

At first Skye is confused…who is this girl, and really, what does she have to do with them. Then she looks around the room, Simmons with her hand over her mouth, Fitz tugging her back from the picture, May is stoic as always, and Coulson's angry. And then her eyes settle on Ward who has gone completely still, all the color drained from his face, and suddenly Coulson's hurry to get them all in here makes sense.

"Where is she?" May asks, already on the balls of her feet, ready to go re-set their course. Coulson shrugs helplessly; he starts to ask Skye if she can analyze the video to find its location of origin when Ward cuts his off.

"Massachusetts" He says, his voice completely devoid of emotion, "It's the house I grew up in…or what they re-built after the fire" he adds, standing unnaturally still.

"I'll change course" May says, already out of the room and heading towards the cockpit.

"Sir, I don't understand, what -" Simmons starts to ask. She is cut off by the sound of things clattering to the ground.

They all spin towards the noise; Ward is leaning against the now empty table, his back to the video and the team. He's gripping the edges of the table so hard it's starting to bend under his fists. Skye crosses the room in a few steps before she even has time to think about what she's doing. She stops once she's next to him, so close she can feel his anger radiating off of him. She starts to put her hand on his arm, and despite the fact that her touch is all he's wanted in so long he flinches away from her.

"I don't even talk to her" he mumbles "I did everything right…I did…" he's quiet, his mouth moving but all most no sound coming out. She knows she's the only one that can hear him but is acutely aware of the eyes of the rest of the team boring holes in their backs.

"We need a minute" Skye finally says, still looking at Ward.

"Skye" Coulson says her name sharply, causing her head to jerk in his direction. He points to his wrist, indicating that for the first time since CyberTeck, she'd be alone with Ward with nothing to stop him from hurting her.

"We need a minute" she repeats, more firmly, eyes locked with Coulson's. He nods, once, and leads the scientist out of the room.

The door clicks shut behind them and she takes a deep breath before, "Hey" she whispers, trying to get his attention while he focuses on the table in front of him. She reaches out to put her hand on his back, but her fingertips barley skim his t-shirt when he flinches away again. He starts to pace the room and she shuts her eyes tightly for a moment, trying to hide her hurt. "Hey" she repeats, waking behind him, ghosting her hands over his arms, about a half inch over his skin.

He finally snaps around to face her, the quickness and intensity of his gaze makes her take a half step back, her feet crunching a beaker that had fallen off the table when Ward had first turned around.

"Look…look at this" she stutters a little under his gaze. She splays her fingers and put her whole palm over the picture, next to where she wants him to look. She watches him take a deliberate breath before he turns his eyes back to the picture. He focuses next to Skye's hand and sees a newspaper on the ground.

"See," she says it quietly, "See this?" she takes a steadying breath before she moves her hand away from the picture and lays it on his cheek, relief flooding her when he doesn't flinch away. "This is today" she says using her hand to pull his eyes away from the picture to meet hers, "and we'll be there by this time tomorrow" she takes a step closer to him, "It'll be okay" she wraps her arms around him, pulling him to her, "I promise" she whispers and closes her eyes when he falls against her "I promise" his forehead lands on her shoulder and his hands grasp at her back, "I promise." She mummers it over and over again.

Finally, he straightens, he tries to move away from her but she holds him there for another moment, her thumb tracing small circles under his eye and his hand on her waist. He furrows his eye brows, wondering what she's looking for while she stares at him. A moment passes and she gives him a small smile before she drops her hand and inclines her head towards the door. He nods and they walk out.

The rest of the team is in the common room, FitzSimmons sharing a couch, May in a chair across the coffee table, and Coulson pacing behind May. Ward sits on the couch opposite FitzSimmons, and is surprised when Skye sits down next to him, close enough for him to feel her body heat.

Ward shares a look with Coulson, who gives him a brief nod. Ward leans forward, putting his elbows on his knees as he clears his throat. Coulson drops in to the empty chair.

"When I first met Garrett, it was after burning down my childhood home, with Maynard, my older brother, inside." Ward starts, they all know this, it had become a matter of Shield common knowledge after his betrayal. What no one really knew was why.

He blows out a deep breath and sits up straight, "I did that two days after I found out that my mother was pregnant again." Fitz and Simmons exchange a sad look and Skye places her hand on Ward's back. He glances at her, a silent 'thank you' for the offered comfort.

"I couldn't save my younger brother…I never had a chance at…" his breath hitches and Skye moves her hand from his back to his knee, "All I wanted was for the baby to have some kind of chance" he says it quietly but they all hear, the tears gathering in Simmons's eyes proof of that.

"I've never met her" he shakes his head, "I know that her name is Anya and that her and my mother lived with my grandmother until she died, and now her and my mother are in -" He cuts off, eyes darting to Coulson.

"She's fine, thinks Anya is on a school trip" Coulson tells him, nodding a little.

His mother had finally left his father back while he was in the woods with Buddy, and Maynard had gone with their father.

He feels Skye's hand land on top of his and he squeezes it gently, "I only know what she looks like from school pictures I accessed with my Shield clearance."

The plane hits a rough patch of air so May stands, "We'll land in about 13 hours" she says walking towards the cockpit.

"Seeing as we won't be getting much sleep, maybe I'll go make us some dinner" Simmons says standing up, wanting to feel as if she is doing something to help. She offers Ward a small smile as she passes and he nods in return.

"I'll help" Fitz says standing up, he pauses in front of Ward "We'll get her Ward, I know it" he says awkwardly clasping Ward on the back.

"Thanks" Ward mumbles back.

Coulson moves to the seat directly across from Ward and it takes Skye a moment too long to realize that he is staring at her, she laughs awkwardly, "I guess I'll just…" she trails off pointing vaguely to another room.

She's halfway off the couch, caught between sitting and standing when she hears Ward's voice, "It's okay" it's then she realizes he's still holding her hand. She nods a little, falling back to the couch. She raises her eyebrows at Coulson, asking if he minds, he shrugs and nods at her before he starts to talk.

"Who do you think is behind this?" He asks. They're running on very little intel – the video just showed un on their server titled 'Watch Me Ward'.

"I don't know" Ward sighs, "Hydra, maybe, as revenge for my absence," There is a long pause "But part of me also thinks it could be Maynard or my father" he adds quietly.

"I'm going to see what, if any, Hydra activity has been in the area lately, might be able to get a feel for what we're walking in to…and if it's not Hydra, maybe we can find that out too." He pauses "Either way, we'll find he and we'll get her home" He says as he stands. His eyes filter over Ward and Skye briefly before walking back towards his office.

Skye waits a long moment before she turns to face Ward, "Why do you think your father or Maynard would do this?" She asks quietly. A pained look crosses Ward's face "I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry" she says in a rush.

"No, it's okay" He answers pulling in a deep breath, "My father hit my mother, hit all of us, it made my little brother scared and me protective…but it made Maynard mean, made him just like our father. I hated my mother, for not protecting herself or us…for not getting us out of there." He shakes his head a little, memories flooding him all at once. "After the fire they rebuilt the house and a few weeks later my dad hit my little brother, he fell down the stairs and broke two ribs. It wasn't anything new, worse had happened before, but I guess it broke something in her. She took my younger brother and ran, stayed with Gramsy until she passed then moved to Ohio. As far as I know, Maynard and my father have never seem Anya." His voice breaks a little, "I didn't know any of this until I got to Shield…when I found out…I think it was the first time I ever loved her."

"Grant…" she whispers, moving her hand to his cheek and scooting a little bit closer to him. She pulls his forehead down to rest on hers.

Whatever trance they're in breaks when they hear dishes clatter to the ground in the kitchen, followed by Simmons lecturing Fitz. Fitz tries to use this as an example of their need for a monkey on the bus…to set the dishes.

They both laugh, "Sometimes," Ward says, voice barley a whisper "I have to remind myself that they are not my brother and sister" he says almost sadly.

Skye leans over a kisses him, just once, so lightly and so quickly that you could almost wonder if it happened at all.

"Fitz, Seriously?" Simmons can be heard from the kitchen.

Skye rolls her eyes, "We better get in there" she says standing.

It takes a moment for his brain to catch up, but when it does, he's following her to the kitchen.

They eat, Fitz trying to distract Ward from his worry the whole time.

After they eat, Fitz makes them all move to the common room and puts on a movie.

FitzSimmons fall asleep about half an hour later, slumped against each other.

Ward and Skye talk in hushed voices, about nothing in particular until Ward is quiet for so long that Skye starts to wonder if he's fallen asleep. She almost jumps when he pulls in a deep breath, "Skye," he waits for her to look up at him. "I know that I've said it before, and I know that you probably don't want to hear it…but I am really sorry about…everything" she looks like she is going to interrupt so he hurries to continue "I know you can't forgive what happened, I just want you to know how much I regret it"

Skye doesn't say anything, just looks at him for a long time. Finally she lays down, her head in his lap, she feels his hand in her hair, combing through in long soothing strokes. He can tell the moment that silent tears start to make their way down her cheeks and he closes his eyes tightly, his lips pressing together, waves of regret hitting him all over again, his fingers still pulling through her hair.

Hours later, they land in the field behind the house Ward thought he'd only see again in nightmares. They storm the house with ICERs, dropping Hydra agents in every room, but not finding Anya. Fitz has the Dwarfs searching every room in the house, but so far they've come up empty.

They're in the family room, talking about where she could be when all the sudden Ward goes quiet for a second before turning and sprinting out of the room. The team shares a confused look before following.

Ward skids to a stop by the well in the back yard, swallowing before he looks down, "Oh god" Skye gasps, coming up beside him. At the bottom is a young girl, hunched over herself and not moving, even when Skye starts yelling her name down the well.

Ward turns around frantically, and is grateful when Coulson turns up next to him, wordlessly holding out a rope and helping his tie it off.

They lower him into the well, and when he hits bottom he's face to face with a terrified Anya who stares at him with wide eyes. "It's okay" he says holding his hand out in front of himself.

"Who…who are you?" She asks, her voice shaking with her.

He debates with himself for a moment before, "I'm with Shield, we're here to help" he says, pulling the rope from around himself, "Lets get you out of here" she's still shaking when he pulls the rope around her and yells up to the team that she's ready.

They pull her up then throw the rope back down to help him to the top. When he climbs out, he sees Skye giving Anya her jacket.

A different Shield team comes to collect the Hydra soldiers and clean up while they take Anya home to Ohio. They're on the bus and Simmons is looking over Anya, checking her for injuries while Ward paces just outside, Skye watching him.

"You're looking very well" Simmons is saying to Anya as they walk out of the lab towards Skye and Ward. Anya smiles at Simmons and comes to a stop in front of Ward.

"You look so familiar" She says tilting her head at him.

A long beet passes, "One of those faces, I guess" he says.

When they get to Ohio, they land at a small private airport and Anya, Coulson, Skye, and Ward pile in to Lola. Coulson parks a decent distance from the house and stays in the car with Ward while Skye walks Anya to the door. He watches his mother cry and fret over the young girl, and for a moment finds himself jealous…she has the mother he always wanted.

When his mother hugs Skye, he looks away, ignoring the way Coulson's eyes settle on him.

Skye walks back to the car and there is a long moment of quite, Ward's last chance to change his mind, before Lola roars to life and they're headed back to the Bus.

Hours later, everyone is back on the bus, doing their own things high above California when Skye taps the back of her knuckles on Ward's door, waiting for reply before sliding it open.

"How you holding up?" she asks sitting on the edge of his bed. He shrugs and she nods, "Why didn't you tell her…who you are, I mean" She says it quietly, the question bursting out of her, unable to stay in.

He nods a little, expecting the question, "I don't belong in that universe, I don't really belong anywhere…but they have something good going, and I don't want to ruin that"

She closes her eyes and sighs, sitting with him for a long time.

Later, when she's walking to her bunk, she sees Coulson sitting at the kitchen table holding Ward's bracelet in his hands, the same one she had been fixing not 30 hours ago. He's turning it over and over again in his fingers, "You know, AC," she says alerting him to her presence, "I don't think we need that anymore" she shrugs a little before she walks toward her room.


	2. 16 Weeks

**Title:** Can't Go Back  
**Author:** Katie  
**Story Summary**: This is a collection of non-chronological one shots about Ward's redemption. All happen in the same universe.  
**Spoilers:** Season One  
**Ratings:** PG  
**Pairing:** SkyeWard  
**Authors Note:** This will always be marked as complete since I don't know how many there will be. When I think of a story I want to write, I'll add it. If there is a story you want to see, let me know!  
**Distribution:** Please! Just let me know.  
**Feedback:** Please…Please!  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything…at all…

* * *

16 Weeks, 2 Days, 9 Hours Since The Events At CyberTek

* * *

It's been sixteen weeks, four agonizing months, since everything in their world had changed. They've been trying so hard to put things back together, but so far it's felt like every time they make a half step of progress, they get knocked four steps back.

They're some place in Florida now, Coulson and May are in meetings at some secret base while Skye forces Simmons off the bus (and away from Fitz's side) long enough to eat at a small café by the water.

Skye and Simmons are walking back onto the bus less than 45 minutes after they left it, Skye carrying most of their meals in cardboard containers. Simmons afraid to leave Fitz for too much longer than that.

May and Coulson are already on the bus when they get there, Simmons rushes past them barley sparing a wave in her haste to check on Fitz. Skye stops in front of them, "How'd the meeting go?" she asks before noticing that something isn't right. May won't quite meet her eyes and Coulson looks apologetic. "Oookay…what is going -"

She's cut off by the sound of a group of people she doesn't know entering the bus, she looks at Coulson curiously then catches sight of two agents she's never met, each holding one arm of a man in handcuffs…Grant Ward. She's frozen in place, their eyes meet for a fraction of a second before the agent on his right tugs his arm hard to make him move forward. They're taking him to the cage…the realization hits her hard. "Skye…" Coulson's voice sounds far away when she drops everything she's holding and walks away.

She paces, angrily, in the common room for a few moments before walking to Fitz's room. She lets herself in, and is surprised to see Fitz awake, sitting in the center of the bed with Simmons, talking animatedly.

It took all most a full six weeks for Fitz to wake up after all most drowning – it was awful for all of them, but for Simmons it had been the worst month and a half of her life. Even now, he spends all most 14 hours of every day sleeping, and in his waking time he does almost everything a little bit slower than he used to, he's also developed a little stutter – his mind working faster than his ability to communicate will currently allow. He's still a genius, and he's still goofy and sweet natured, they're all overwhelming thankful for that. Simmons is adamant that he'll return to his former self fully, in time.

"Hey" she says, flopping down on the bed when FitzSimmons scoot over to make room for her.

"What's wrong?" Simmons asks, followed by Fits a few seconds later, he immediately looks irritated at himself for falling behind.

Skye puts her hand on Fitz's knee comfortingly and takes a deep breath, "Ward is on the bus". The scientists have very different reactions. Simmons is instantly scared, eyes darting around the room as if Ward is going to jump out at them at any moment. Fits lays his arm protectively around Simmons's shoulders, but looks relatively unfazed…maybe even a little hopeful.

It's quiet for a long moment until Coulson knocks on the door, "Come on, we're gonna talk about this" he says. Skye sighs as she opens the door and they file out of the room. "Fizt!" Coulson clasps the younger man on the back when he walks past and Fitz offers a smile in return, he knows how much time everyone still spends worrying about him.

They walk to the kitchen where May is at the table, already sitting in wait for them. She's silent while everyone sits, until she spots Fitz, "How are you?" she asks, a smile brewing under her ever present stoic expression.

"A lot…a lot better" he answers smiling at her as he sits, then shaking his head in annoyance with his own stutter.

A long moment passes in uncomfortable silence until Coulson clears his throat, "I know the idea of bringing Ward on to the bus is…uncomfortable" Skye scoffs but Coulson continues "but he will not be roaming around the bus, he will be confined to the cage and in the rare instance that he is let out, it will be in handcuffs. You will not be in any danger" he looks at Simmons as he says the last part.

None of them are naive enough to ask why he's here, even Fitz knows that they're having more trouble than anticipated tracking down the remaining Hydra sleeper cells. And, yeah, they all know how much Coulson loves a redemption story…even if Coulson doesn't.

"What makes you think he'll help us? That he won't be leading us right where Hydra wants us?" Skye asks, he voice is calm but her eyes dart around the room, betraying her worry.

"We'll be through in vetting any information he gives us. But…I think we all know that he was never in Hydra for the cause, he was there for Garrett, who is no longer a factor" Coulson says.

"No one is saying that you can or should trust him, but he has information that we need" May says evenly.

"Did he ask to be here?" Simmons asks quietly, "I mean maybe he has some plan…" she looks at Fitz protectively.

"No" Coulson says "He hasn't said much at all" he sighs heavily, "This is not forever. But right now, I don't know what else to do… how else to eliminate Hydra once and for all, how else to make sure this never happens again." He shakes his head, "I'm asking you to try…and if we can't all find a way to be okay with it, we'll take him back and we'll find another way to more forward…But, you all have to know that this was a last resort"

The silence in the room is heavy for a long moment before Fitz looks around and says, "This will be good…this is how we'll get Ward back, how…how we'll be a team again" he stands after he says it and walks back to his room. Simmons lets out a breath; she's trying not to cry when she follows him.

After several seconds, Skye stands "This is a bad idea" she walks away.

She stops in front of the lab, debating with herself for a long moment before walking inside. She walks over to the video screen on the far wall and flips the switch to the side, she crosses her arms over her chest while she waits for the screen to stop flickering and show her Ward. Somehow, she's still not ready when it does.

He's pacing the length of the cell over and over, facing her for six steps then walking away for six steps, and repeat. She hadn't had the time or the where-with-all to take in his appearance when he was pulled past her in the entry way to the bus just hours before…it's all she does now; He's in dark jeans and a grey t-shirt, no shoes. He's still broad and strong, his presence still intimidating without trying to be. He's growing a beard, it makes him look older – she wonders if it was by choice, or if he hadn't been given access to razors, she closes her eyes and tries not to care. His hair has grown longer, and in contrast to his beard, that makes him look younger. He rubs at something on his arm, pushing his sleeve up as he does, it reveals as nasty cut in the center of a purple-blue of a bruise – she tries not to care if it came from another inmate or a guard…if there are more like it lurking under his clothes.

Coulson comes up behind her and places his hand on her back; she shakes her head a little and closes her eyes tight – trying to force her tears to stay in. She wanted, so badly, to be done crying over Grant Ward, but when she shrugs Coulson's hand off her back, turns on her heel and walks down the hall towards her room, she knows she not.


	3. 19 Weeks

**Title:** Can't Go Back  
**Author:** Katie  
**Story Summary**: This is a collection of non-chronological one shots about Ward's redemption. All happen in the same universe.  
**Spoilers:** Season One  
**Ratings:** PG  
**Pairing:** SkyeWard  
**Authors Note:** This will always be marked as complete since I don't know how many there will be. When I think of a story I want to write, I'll add it. If there is a story you want to see, let me know!  
**Distribution:** Please! Just let me know.  
**Feedback:** Please…Please!  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything…at all…

* * *

19 Weeks, 4 Days, 22 Hours Since The Events At CyberTek

* * *

He's being led out of the cage for the first time since his arrival on the bus, Coulson on one side of him, and Tripp (who is back on board for a mission he's not in the loop on – not that he's in many loops these days) on the other. All of the sudden, Fitz appears in their path, Tripp's grip on his arm tightens even though Ward is handcuffed. From the way Coulson tenses beside him, Ward would guess that the team had been told to stay clear of the area while he was out and about.

For a long moment everything is still and silent, Ward feels like he is stuck, his head dizzy and racing to keep up with what he is seeing – Ward knew Fitz had woken up but that he didn't wake up exactly as he was, but didn't know much beyond that – he looks good though, standing in front of him. Seeing him brings a thousand things, questions and apologies, to the forefront of his mind.

"It…" Ward stutters a little, voice thick. He swallows, "It was supposed to float" He says it…he says it even though it doesn't matter, he says it even though Fitz is so smart he's surely figured it out on his own by now…he says it even though it doesn't mean anything now, doesn't fix anything…he says it because it needed to be said.

Fitz is still for a long moment, before he suddenly smiles – surprising everyone, and clasps Ward's shoulder, knocking a Coulson a little when he tries to stand in the way, "I know."

Ward has_ touch aversion_; it was one of the first things the therapist he'd been forced to see after his capture at CyberTek told him. It was hardly surprising…touch had never really meant anything good for him; his father hit him, and Maynard not long after…and then the man who had promised to be his salvation – Garrett, and anyone Garrett allowed to for any reason. But now, standing in this hallway, despite the fact that he flinches whenever anyone touches him (including pats on the back from Fitz himself not even a year ago) despite everything…this is the happiest moment he's had in a very long time.


End file.
